I've been musing lately about my roots - my background. Many people ask me, "How did a small town Texas girl like you end up in New York City?" What many of them mean by this question - I know because I hear it in their tone, in the slight inflection of the words is, "How did a good little Christian girl like you end up in a city full of sin?" And I'm not kidding here.

Yes, I had humble beginnings. Growing up in Grand Prairie, TX is the single most influencing aspect of my life, although I didn't realize it until I moved here. Unlike many of my liberal friends who were raised by likeminded parents, I was raised in the middle of the Bible Belt - and attended a Southern Baptish Church for most of my life. What I'm most thankful for is my parent's divorce. Not because they had a horrible marriage that I found myself in the middle of - but because through their divorce I had the chance to see my mother make it on her own. My mother, conservative in her own ways, is and always has been a pillar of strength in my life. My dad didn't run out of the picture, I still had and do have a relationship with him - albeit strained at times. But, there was something about living in a home solely with my mother from the time I was 7 until I moved to NYC. I saw her going to work every day - in her suits and high heels. I remember wanting so desperately to have a career like her. I heard her conversations with girlfriends about men - she was always giving advice - and I remember being so thankful that she never allowed a man to come between us. She never let a man define her. She always gave me what I needed and wanted. And, when it was time for me to go to college - she found a way (with a little help from my grandparents and a hefty scholarship) to foot 45,000 a year bill to NYU. I truly believe that the true female strength I saw in her outshined any sexist sermon I heard from a pulpit, any conservative politics I heard from my peers, and any demeaning messages I was told from the boys in my life. I realize how much she sacrificed for me, how lonely her nights must have been, and how helpless she must have felt when bills were due - but I'm so thankful for it. If my parents never had divorced - while I may have seen a functional marriage - I wouldn't have seen the independent woman I so desperately needed to see. I needed her so much because I knew, deep down inside me, was a wild woman like that. Without my mother shining light on her - I may have never explored the own depths within me. So, thanks mom. Not only for all the things you gave me - but for finding the strength within yourself to be the woman I want to be.

Without her influence I might have never found the courage to leave the comfortable surroundings of home and move to a place I knew I needed to be. Without her I might not have scoffed when a preacher told me I could never be a minister, but could be a "preacher's wife." Without her I might have thought I needed a man or a child to complete me and rushed into a lifestyle I wasn't ready for. Without her I might have been a little quieter, a little more self conscious, or a little less competitive. I might have settled. I'm so glad I didn't. I just hope she knows...